Motherhood or POW Camp?

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The best solution payday loans
on Jul 8, 2013 in Blog
The best solution payday loans
The best solution payday loans

Ever feel more like Cinderella rather than a mother? Or maybe you feel more like a P.O.W.?

Do you feel like someone who is forced to labor away day-in and day-out at the same menial and often disgusting/gag-inducing tasks while deprived of sleep and sanity, wearing the same outfit for seemingly weeks on end, covered in spit up/poop/food, all while acquiring little or no time to dedicate to hygiene, all the while living on a slim diet of leftovers from children’s plates and the occasional piece of dark chocolate?

Not everyday perhaps.  But maybe for a string of days and then not for awhile and then another string of days.  Or maybe, for some,  everyday.  Or just every once in a while?

Welcome to the Motherhood Blues.

Before having kids it was sad and annoying to hear people talk of Motherhood in a way that seemed more like forced community service than a joy. When I would hear conversations about the “doldrums of Motherhood” I wanted women to grow up or shut up or realize they needed to not “just” be a mom but to be the best at what they did and inspire others or get inspired and really live life alongside their children.

And then I actually HAD children.

And I started to understand their perspective.  Not every day, but on occasion.  Okay… many days, but, I’m digressing.

But not all mothers feel this way.  Ever.

Some seem to soar into spectacular orbit with every single child.  As if they are destined to be a mom who not only reads to her children but who teaches them sign language, makes all home made meals with glee, plays WITH her kids and makes daily crafts with them AND manages to have a well-organized, clean home.  Some mothers simply are seemingly stress free, happy, grateful and, most importantly, fulfilled at being a mother.

So what gives for the rest of us?  What’s our deal anyway?  When did we start feeling overwhelmed… swallowed up by this life we choose. Even if it is just days here and there.  Or maybe it is many days.  Or maybe it’s been many months.  What is going on with us and our minds and souls?

First I could talk about how we should all be grateful, truly, for having healthy, happy kids.  That alone is a huge blessing in a world full of malnutrition, disease and abuse.  I could talk, too, about how hard mothers tend to be on themselves and how being a mom is a sacrifice and how motherhood was never meant to be easy and how it’s so wonderful we even get to have kids and how kids are little treasures and a goldmine of love and affection and joy and on and on and on.  And… it would all be true.  But, I think we’ve all HEARD that all before.  And maybe we even REMIND ourselves of it time and again. Or remind yourself of famines around the world and third world countries riddled with poverty just so you can have some perspective on your “privileged” life as a mom. And you tell yourself to grow up, buck up, get up.  Or, you tell yourself to give up on whatever it is that you thought this would be or whatever it is that is gnawing at you in addition to your chore list and just embrace the life in front of you.

And yet… we still have a longing. This nagging longing.  Something inside us is calling to get out.  And even if we love our kids, our husband, our dog, our life… we are still seeking that “something” and we want to let it out.

Well, Mamas, I have had an epiphany that I want to share.  A two year struggle that has revealed two very raw truths to me.

First, that “thing” that is crying to get out can get out without you having to sacrifice your soul or your family.  But it might not be in your ideal timeline.  That “something” that aches inside you is not to be ignored but it might have to be put on hold for a bit. Or put aside most of the day or week and only brought out every now and again rather than in large masses of time.

Secondly, I have realized that you are meant to be YOU all the time.  You are meant to be you when you are mad or sad or angry or happy or overwhelmed.  You are you… you are maturing and growing daily and needing help (that we often don’t ask for) but you are meant to be you.  Not your mom or someone else’s mom or your best friend or your Aunt.  Just you. But must figure out a time during the day to be alone with your own thoughts and be just you.

Not the “Facebook you” or the “Twitter you” or the “searching the web out of habit/boredom you” but the “what I want to be when I grow up you”.  The young women full of dreams you. You are not selfish simply because you want to remember who you are without all the titles. But you must find a realistic amount of time (say 20-30 minutes) to focus on it.

Just sit and remember that you like the song “Sweetest Thing” by U2 because it reminds you of the summer you met your husband. And you like the smell of brownies cooking in the oven because it was one of the few recipes you knew how to cook as a kid and it made you proud to make them by yourself. And remember that you have always wanted to tell stories – really GOOD stories.  And you want to do it for others and help them and you want so much to have time to tell those stories.

Then take your dreams, simmer on them a bit and remind yourself to be patient.  Be patient and just do a little something that fulfills you.  Take a tiny little step toward your other dream.  Like sketching a drawing or starting a story outline or making a blog entry or writing a verse to a song.

You aren’t meant to get lost in this time of life.  You are meant to grow in patience.

Take a moment and remember. Because trying to forget is what brings the torture. So remember your dreams and hopes and ambitions… then throw out the timeline and trust that the little steps will add up to a long completed journey someday.  Long, happy, and fulfilled.

And after the remembering and reminding and attaining a little piece toward your dream, remind yourself you are already living a dream come true.  You are a mom.  And even on the toughest day, your children are the greatest creation and fulfillment your life will ever see.  And they are worth this sacrifice.  And so are you.  Because this sacrifice is creating in you an amazing woman that is meant to impact the world around you.



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